Love that Casts Out Fear
By Charles Rush
September 10, 2000
John 4: 7-21 and John 15: 1-8
e of the quaint, New Yorkers would say curious, characteristics
of some Asian cultures is how sensitive they are to other people's
feelings. The
Financial Times
carried this rejection notice, written to a writer by an editor of an
Economic Journal published in Hong Kong.
"We have read your manuscript with boundless delight. If we were
to publish your paper," says the editor, "it would be impossible for us
to publish any work of lower standard. And as it is unthinkable that
in the next thousand years we shall see its equal, we are, to our
regret, compelled to return your divine composition, and to beg you a
thousand times to overlook our short sight and timidity."
It would be nice if all rejection slips were so tactful, wouldn't
it? I've received dozens, probably hundreds by now, usually delivered
two years after I submitted a manuscript. They usually begin something
like "Your manuscript was discovered in our editors office when we were
cleaning it after his untimely death. We are returning it to you.
Please excuse the mold on the cover sheet. Apparently, it was used to
wrap a slice of pizza several months ago. Best wishes in finding a
proper outlet for your work. Sincerely, and I truly could care less
about your silly little offering, Burton Throckmorton III, Yale, class
of 59."
Rejection stays with us for a long time and rejections from
childhood can take on an epic character well into our adult lives.
They tap into our fears of inadequacy, fears that we are not worthy,
not really loveable.
I was talking with a very successful corporate executive, a guy of
sizeable accomplishment and confidence. The subject of dreams came
up. We were talking about recurring dreams that we wish would go away.
He said that his was showing up to give a speech at a meeting for
stockholders. Somewhere early in his speech, it becomes apparent that
he is in the wrong meeting. This wasn't his company and someone
pointed this out. The lights keep getting brighter; people are asking
him what he thinks he is doing showing up at the wrong meeting. He
can't just leave. People are peppering him with questions that he
can't answer- detailed questions about a company that he doesn't run.
He wants to just escape but his legs are numb like lead... About this
time he wakes up and can't go back to sleep.
These dreams reflect our present reality but they often have their
roots in paradigms of anxiety that we have had since childhood. I
asked him about inadequacy and anxiety in childhood. He shared one of
these paradigm stories. He was 15 years old, driving home in South
Alabama. His father was one of these Southern characters that was
bigger than life. A great outdoorsman and he could fix anything that
was broken. He brought the solution to every problem, at least
physical problems. But he was also rather aloof and distant,
emotionally speaking, as was given to men of that generation.
My friend is driving home from deer hunting, his father in the
passenger seat. He falls asleep at the wheel; the truck veers of the
macadam, rolls on its side. They wreck. This is the era before seat
belts were normative. When he comes to, he sees his father with his
head through the windshield, a collar of glass jagging around his
throat. The kid is horrified. His dad says to him, "Son, I need you
to carefully push this glass back from around my throat or else I am
going to bleed to death." He pushed the glass back; his dad pulled his
head back into the cab of the truck. Together they shimmied out the
passenger window, walked up the embankment onto the rural road, and
flagged down the first car that drove by. The Dad is bleeding
profusely all over his shirt and neck, the father says to the driver,
"My name is Roswell McCaslin and who are you", as he extends his hand
to shake it. Emergency, yes, but there is always time for proper
manners. The driver gave his name and Mr. McCaslin said, "I know your
father, a good man. I've been cut rather badly and can't wait for an
ambulance. Could you drive us both to a hospital?"
Reflecting on that event, my friend said, "My father was always in
control, I was the one making the bone headed mistakes. I drove all
the way to the hospital thinking to myself, 'I've killed my father
because I couldn't stay awake.' What would I say to my mother, my
brothers. But he didn't die. He never talked about that day but he
never let me drive again to go hunting. It was years before I could
feel adequate in his presence. It wasn't any one thing he said or did;
it was just everything about who I was when I was around him.
It is a funny thing how often our families create for us a climate
of anxiety/low grade dread/small size fear. Our lesson this morning
from I John says that love drives out fear. "There is no fear in
love. Perfect love casts out fear." It casts out anxiety and
insecurity. It casts out dread. It is not automatic. This is
something that we are all in process about, working towards the place
where we can provide a space of real acceptance and security for those
that we are close to.
We want
to build them up and allow them to develop into their potential. But
it is not an easy task or a simple one. As our gospel lesson suggests,
we are only able to make others feel secure/accepted/ loved to the
degree that we allow the Spirit of God to transform us. In other
words, the way of
loving is a spiritual transformation.
It is not a done deal or a simple set of etiquette that is to be
consistently applied. It is a process whereby we are transformed by
God's love for us. As we become secure in
God's love, we are able to radiate out love for others and make them
secure.
As I John says, "No one has ever seen God, yet if we love one
another, God dwells in us" (v. 12) The whole point of the gospel is
that God took the initiative and loves us unexpectedly, undeservedly,
unconditionally. God loves us when even when we are unlovable.
That is good news and it remains good news for us because the vast
majority of us still act as though love is a reward for good behavior.
If you shape up, then I will love you. If you love me, then I will
love you. If you do what I want, become the person I want you to
become, then I will love you. The gospel of John cuts through our
approach to relationships. John says, "In this is love, not that we
love God but that God loves us."
And if you have this love in your life, it will radiate out of you.
Carlyle Marney told about an old man who once asked him, "Have you
ever seen God?" I suppose that is a question you might ask a Minister.
Marney thought about if for a minute and said, "No but I have seen a
couple of Jesuses in my life." That is what John is talking about. You
can see God's love in action. St. Francis once said, "Preach the
gospel at all times, and if necessary,
use words
."
On it's best days that is what the Church universal is really all
about, we are trying to be the face of Jesus for each other. We come
together as an extended family of families to develop our skills to
become more loving. We are trying to create a space where people can
feel accepted by God and secure enough that they can radiate that out
to others.
This year we are focusing our energy on creating a space for
community acceptance for our Middle School and High School kids. Since
I've been here, we have evolved from having volunteers to lead the
youth, to having a part-time person. This year we have full-time
pastoral leadership in Tom Martinez.
Teenage years are pivotal for our kids. And they are tough years
too- there are regular intrusions of self-doubt, anxiety, trying to
find a place to fit in. I know that our parents, our families need all
the help they can get trying to create a positive spiritual space so
our teenagers can develop their own grounding
emotionally/spiritually/morally. At least on this point, it really
does take a village to raise a child. It is my hope that we can put
together a program and community for our teenagers that will compliment
the fine education they are getting as children. We are going to have
regular weekly meetings, and also retreats, as well as some mission and
service projects.
And I want you to know that we are doing our small part to provide
a place for all the kids in the community. Every few weeks, we sponsor
a band night at the Church where our teens can come and dance; hear
some local bands that are forming in a drug free/alcohol free
environment. It is a small thing but no one else is doing it.
And we are focusing some energy on our big kids too. Our adult
education program has some solid offerings. [Read a few]. We've put
together some dates for this semester. I hope you will pick one up and
come and get some edumacation.
Finally, we have two staff and 5 lay people that have been trained
in Stephen Ministry because we want to care for each other better. If
you know of somebody that would benefit from having a Stephen Minister
check in on them on a regular basis- because they have gone through a
death recently perhaps, or a job change that was prolonged and more
stressful than they realized, or they have a chronic situation in their
family and they need a place to process the burdens they are having to
carry, let us know. We have people who want to check in with them and
walk them through these difficult times. They can be someone that you
know or someone from another church in the area that you don't.
I like to think that through our programs and through the ways that
we live our lives together, we are creating the climate for love to
happen around us. Our families need that support. We all need to
stretch ourselves and reach out to others in love and service. In the
end, it is all of us together.
Back when Sarajevo was under siege, there was an American who was
in the city one day when sniper fire erupted. He saw a young girl get
hit and fall to the ground. A man ran into the middle of the road and
picked her up. The American had a car, so he jumped in, drove over to
the man and said, "Get in. I will take you to the hospital."
They started to head for the hospital. On the way the man holding
the girly in the back seat on his lap said, "Hurry mister, she is still
alive."
A little while later he said, "hurry mister, she is still
breathing." He drove faster.
A few moments later he said, "Hurry, she is still warm."
They got to the hospital, turned the child over to the doctors. The
man said, "Hurry please. She is getting cold."
She died. The two men were washing the blood from their hands. The
man who had carried the young girl had tears in his eyes. He said, "I
don't know how I am going to tell her father that she is dead."
The American was astonished. He said, "I thought she was your
child."
The man looked back at him and said, "Aren't they all."
That is the way God looks at it. They are all God's children. "No
one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and
God's love is perfected in us."
"Those who say, 'I love God,' and hate their neighbor, are liars;
for those who do not love the neighbor whom they have seen, cannot love
the God whom they have not seen." Brothers and sisters, let us perfect
God's love in each other's lives. May the Spirit of love break out in
our midst.
Amen
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