Thoughtfulness and Gratitude
By Charles Rush
November 20, 2005
Lk. 17: 11-19
saw a cartoon this week that featured a regular guy in a car at the Gas station. He says to the attendant, 'fill her up.' The attendant asks him, "Regular or obscene." That could be said of so many things in our life. And it is true that we have too much… everything.
I was reminded
of this reading Ted Koppel's reflections on his life.
The son of Jews who had fled Germany during the rise of Nazism,
he grew up in England during World War II. As a child he had gone to bed
hungry quite often and had lived with all the deprivations that war brought to
that generation. When he first came to the U.S. he heard a commercial for an antacid
that brought relief to people who had eaten and drank too much. It made him
cry.[1]
I had the
converse thought of Ted's walking through the barrio in Managua, surrounded by emaciated children
that beg from you plaintively. I was sort of morally embarrassed to be fat
amongst all of them.
It is true
that we simply have too much. At a spiritual minimum we ought to be incredibly
grateful people shouldn't we? And yet, it is not that simple. It remains one of
our fundamental spiritual challenges to keep our children from becoming
entitled little snots that expect the world to fulfill their every need and
desire.
Our worst nightmare
is that they will become little Veruca Salt, the
little rich girl in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Willy Wonka gives out 5 prizes inside his famous chocolate bars
to visit his amazing chocolate factory. Veruca wants
to win so badly that she has her father buy 100,000 chocolate bars in search of
the winning ticket. She stomps her foot at home, "Daddy, I want to go to
the chocolate factory… I want it… I want it… I want it…" And her father
has hundreds of his employees opening chocolate bars, looking for the prize,
until she indeed wins. The whole audience collectively groans that the spoiled
little tyrant gets her way.
On the big
day, she is standing with her father and the other 4 winners waiting to get
into the famed chocolate factory, with all the press from around the world
behind them. Little Veruca says to her father.
"Daddy, I'm tired of waiting I want to go in and I want to go in
now!" Her father patiently explains that it is 9:59 and they can't go in until 10 a.m. sharp. Veruca
says "Daddy, make time go faster".
Young or old,
it is so painfully unbecoming to have so much and not only want more, but
actually expect that the world should cater especially to your needs because…
well just because…
It turns out
that gratitude is fundamentally a spiritual disposition that is independent of
material means. It is a gauge of how grace is flowing through your life. I was
reading a batch of sermons from around the country on Thanksgiving. It struck
me how often the theme comes up that the holiday is not simply about
overeating, overdrinking, football, and shopping the day after Thanksgiving.
Part of the
reason that it struck me as odd is that we have unwittingly opted out of that
model in our family for the past several years. We were lucky to stumble on
another way. My sister-in-law owns a
camp in the mountains of North Carolina. All five of the families have been
coming each year. Most of the kids sleep in one of the bunk houses and the
parents are in various cabins. These cabins are not heated, of course, just
screened in. And it is colder there than here because it is higher up. But a
stream flows right under our cabin. It is the best sleep of the year, about 8
blankets deep and the sound of the stream.
It is a
working farm: cows, chickens, goats, and 14 horses. Everyone brings their dogs who are literally in dog heaven. We have a pond in the
middle of the camp. And the past couple years, I've been working with my nieces
and nephews casting a fly rod. From 3-13 and everyone wants a turn.
Every year,
the Uncles take all the kids on a long hike up to the top of one of the
mountains and this year we are planning to get everyone up on a horse. The
activities and the setting are great, but the question comes up, why does this
work?
It works because
everyone stops just to be family. It helps that everyone likes one another and
wants to spend time. And it is better when we are thoughtful towards each
other. It is better when the Uncles put all the kids to bed, when they put one
of the meals together. It is better when everyone shares the cooking and the
cleaning up.
Gratitude is
not something abstract in your heart; it is not just an emotional sentiment.
Spiritually speaking, it is a way of living that manifests itself in a myriad
of thoughtful gestures. Gratitude expresses itself in gracefully caring for
those around us. It strikes me that we have to actually create opportunities
for our families to engage each other in this way. That is what holidays are
supposed to do spiritually, they are supposed to give us an opportunity to
disengage from our work world routine and the values of our wider commercial
culture and give a fuller attention to practicing gratitude and grace with each
other front and center. We have to think
about how to create a context to facilitate that happening.
We have to
create traditions that allow that to happen. I heard of a family in our
congregation that started a family tradition at Thanksgiving. They have
everyone in the family write a couple things that they are thankful for on a
scrap of paper and they put them all in a hat. One by one, they draw them out
and read them. And then they have to guess who wrote which. One of the more
interesting things they discovered is surprise that they couldn't always guess
the author. But the tradition is important because it gives everyone the
opportunity to reflect and share gratitude.
And you know
what a difference that can make. Because what we hope is that the Spirit of
gratitude manifesting itself in thoughtful, gracious deeds becomes infectious.
And those around us start to interiorize that disposition and act thoughtfully.
Because when that happens you get into a positive energy flow
spiritually as a group, as an extended family. And when that happens people become more loving and creative and
interesting and enjoyable. They actualize a spiritual joy. "They
get healed" in the wonderful words of a Van Morrison song. This is
what we want to happen. I am only here to remind you this year that it can.
The Spirit of
Gratitude infects all that we do. In all kinds of every day ways, we start to
see ourselves as facilitators of positive Spiritual energy. Winston Churchill
was right when he said "We make a living by what we get, we
make a life by what we give… We are
facilitators. Joan Holmes once said that we need to become known for what we allocate, not
what we accumulate. And she is right. In our limited tenure on earth, what is
fundamentally important is how we facilitate gratitude, grace, love, and
healing.
Lynne Twist
learned this in one poignant day of contrasts. She was raising money for the
Hunger Project, a group that was focused on helping develop sustainable farming
in famine wracked regions of Africa.[2]
In the morning
she had an appointment with the CEO of a major grocery chain. It turns out that
his company had been involved in fraud that had been written about widely. They
needed to corral their negative publicity and were looking for an opportunity
to repair their reputation. So Lynne got an opportunity to meet with the CEO.
She dons her
best power suit, takes the elevator up, up, up…. Goes through
the bank of personal assistants, down the corridor and in to see the CEO,
sitting behind his large desk overlooking the skyline of the city.
She has 15
minutes and she describes what they do, a couple of stories of change. He
listens impassively. At the end of the 15 minutes, he reaches in his desk, and
slides her a check for $50,000, the largest single
check they had received to date.
She had that
complicated sense of 'wow, important money.' At the same time, she realized
that it didn't matter what she really said, he had already made up his mind
that this was what he was going to do. And she said, "As he slid the check
across the table and I took it, I could feel myself taking his guilt as
well." It was an unsettling, unsatisfying experience, despite the
largesse.
Just a few
hours later, she was at the other end of the spectrum. She went to speak in a
church. Instead of the large crowd that she was expecting, it turned out to be
a collection of a dozen women, most of them retired… The
church ladies.
And it turns
out that they weren't meeting in the sanctuary but the church basement
classroom with a leaky pipe that was literally dripping next to her. I know
that leaky pipe.
But there she
was and she launched into her description of the work that they were doing and
how lives were being changed. At the end, she didn't even want to ask them for
any support because these were women of such modest means. But she did. After
which the room fell silent for a while.
Finally one of
the ladies from the back of the room said, "I like what you are
doing." I don't have a credit card or a checking account. "To me,
money is a lot like water. For some folks it rushes through their life like a
raging river. Money comes through my life like a trickle. But I want to pass it
along in a way that it does the most good for the most folks. I see that as my
right and my responsibility. It is also my joy. I have $50 in my purse and I
want to give it to you." She came up and gave her $50 in fives and ones.
Lynne said she
was moved to tears in that moment because of the Spirit in which she received
that gift. It was the energy of the commitment of the giver. It felt like a
ceremony. It had integrity and purpose. Lynne said it was "blessed
money". She went home that night, like most of us in those situations,
wondering what the day had meant.
The next
morning she woke up, still reflecting on the previous day. She went to her
brief case and did the difficult thing. She took the check for $50,000 from the
CEO and mailed it back to him. She wrote him a note and said that they were
only looking for partners that were really committed to the cause and that his
company should find something that they were really committed to. She writes
that, hard as it was to send that money back, she also felt unburdened, like
she mailed that guilt right on back.
She never got
a response, never heard from the company again. Years go by and one day she
gets a letter in the mail from that CEO. He is now retired with a substantial
package to live on.
He wrote her a
letter and said he never forgot the day that he read her note returning the
money, especially the part about looking for committed partners. He said he
realized that he had been focused so narrowly on doing anything and everything
to simply increase profits that he was befuddled and stunned by someone who was
not concerned about them in that way.
He had a
change of heart, that in fact he was concerned about addressing hunger, and
that he wanted to be a person of commitment. He said he needed to complete
something in himself that he had left uncompleted professionally, and he wrote
a personal check several times bigger than the corporate check and he got
directly involved.
Money really
is like water. We don't get to keep anything when we die. It is all about how
we allocate what comes through us in this short time of living. It is not about
the size of your gift. It is about the Spirit of your giving. It is about
becoming a complete person. It is about living a life of gratitude and
thoughtfully, graciously blessing the world around you. May you feel the
abundance that really is your life; May you find people and causes that are
worthy of your commitment; May you become a blessing. Amen.
[1] From his
book Off Camera (New
York: Alfred Knopf, 2000), p. 173.
[2] Lynne
Twist, The Soul of Money (New York:
W.W. Norton Company, 2003) from chapter 5, pp. 97-120. My
thanks to Laurie Rufolo for giving me this book.
© 2005
Charles Rush.
All rights reserved.