From Revenge to Reconciliation
By Rev Cal Robertson
January 22, 2006
Genesis 45: 1-15 and Rom 11: 1-6
[ Audio
(mp3, 4.5Mb) ]
Give your loved one a break, try grace.
Break stalemates in relationships.
light of this story of reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers, it is interesting to consider other familial relationships in Genesis, for reconciliation is surprisingly the exception. Indeed if you were to consult Genesis on how to foster good family relationships, you would be flipping pages until you reach this passage in chapter 45. As for the rest, we have quite a bit of dysfunction.
Take Cain and Abel for example. You'll remember that they both presented
their offerings to God. Cain, the farmer, brought an offering appropriate to a
farmer; Abel, the shepherd, an offering appropriate to a shepherd. For whatever reason, and we are not told, God
“had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no
regard” (Gen 4:4-5). This angered Cain,
naturally, and he let it get the best of him. Out in the field, “Cain rose up
against his brother Abel, and killed him. (Gen 4:8). Like his parents before
him, Cain is banished from his home. We
last see him wandering away from the presence of the Lord, east of Eden.
This, familial relationship, of course, is not one that we
want to emulate. If a couple came to me
and asked for biblical guidance in their strained relationship, I would not
counsel them to read Genesis 4 and “go and do likewise.” Nor would I suggest
that they get help from the model of Jacob and Esau. Jacob, you'll remember, tricked his brother
out of the birthright with a tempting bowl of stew, and landed his father's
blessing by dressing in Esau's clothes with sheepskin to boot. Esau, naturally, was angry and he let it get
the best of him. “The days of mourning
for my father are approaching,” he says, “then I will
kill my brother Jacob.” At least this
time murder is avoided, but it takes banishing Jacob from his home, and he goes
to live with his uncle Laban. The relationship is estranged, however, and
if you have an estranged relationship with a brother, you know what that is
like. “How sweet and pleasant it is when
brothers dwell together in unity” says Psalm 133:1, but it can be very
difficult when they don't.
For the record, Jacob and Esau do meet again without
bloodshed, but it is something less than a lasting reunion. Jacob, it seems, is not ready to trust his
brother. “Let us journey on our way, and
I will go alongside you,” suggests Esau. “But Jacob said to him, ‘Well, you know that the children are frail and
that the flocks and herds, which are nursing, are a care to me; and if they are
overdriven for one day, all the flocks will die. You go ahead and I'll come along slowly,
according to the pace of the cattle that are before me and according to the
pace of the children.” You and I have
never used our children as an excuse for avoiding time with another family
member, now have we.
Esau goes to his destination, but Jacob stopped
elsewhere. That is Genesis 33; check it
out. No, I wouldn't suggest that a couple follow this example of relating to
one another either. But it does gives us an idea of how we often relate.
You see, Cain acted in a way that far exceeded the
circumstances. I don't know for sure,
but it is likely that none of you has ever acted in this way, although you
might feel like it. But many of us, and
I include myself, act as did Jacob with Esau, tit-for-tat, and Esau it seems
was ready to reconcile.
There is much more tit-for-tat in Genesis. Back when Jacob worked seven years for his
beloved Rachel, youngest daughter of Laban, come the
wedding night, Laban pulls a fast one on him. Imagine, it was the
big event: feasting, celebration into the night. Laban sends Jacob's
bride to his tent. The next morning, Jacob rolls over, and “Ahhh!, it's Leah!” He
goes to Laban, “What is this you have done, why have
you deceived me?” Laban cooly
responds, “This is not done in our country–giving the younger before the
older.” Fine time to tell him! Well, it's another seven years of labor for
the hand of Rachel.
Not to worry though. Jacob eventually gets back by leaving one night with all that he had,
while Laban is away shearing his sheep. Tit-for-tat. They make a truce in the end. A covenant which we usually take as a good
thing, but this is more like a divorce settlement. “See this heep and
see the pillar, which I have set between you and me,” says Laban. “This heap is a witness, and the pillar is a witness, that I will not pass beyond this heap to you, and
you will not pass beyond this heap and this pillar to me, for harm.” The line is drawn in the sand.
Tit-for-tat is a frequent mode of relationship isn't
it. “She did this, so I'm gonna did this.” “Just remember, I don't just get back, I get even.” “What's fair for the
goose is fair for the gander.” “Yea, but
he . . . yea, but she.” It can go on and on.
Tit-for-tat is one way of expressing the ancient Near
Eastern law of retribution, “an eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth.” Now mind you, an eye
for an eye is better than an arm for an eye, a tooth for a tooth is better than
a head for a tooth, and while it might have worked to limit revenge by law, it
doesn't work well in relationships, were we more often than not are called on to
suspend legalism. Cain's revenge
exceeded the law of retribution; Jacob and Esau, Jacob and Laban
observed the law of retribution but look where it gets them.
Thankfully, there is another story of familial
relationships, one of reconciliation in Genesis: the story of Jacob and his
brothers. Rather than settling for
retribution, Joseph operates on a deeper level. Let's take a closer look, because there are a couple of important
lessons about reconciliation in this story.
You'll remember that the brother's sold Joseph to the
caravan going down the Egypt. That was
their way of avoiding bloodshed. At
least they do not strike out at their brother as did Cain. But Joseph has a lot that he could be
vengeful about. Of course, Joseph did a
good job at enticing them, what with dreams about sheaths of wheat bowing down
to him, but the rest wasn't his fault: a
special coat, the doting love of an aging father.
That day that the brothers were angry at
Joseph enough to kill him had its context. Think about it. There are the brothers working in the field
and there is Joseph with a coat of many colors. There are the brothers with their robes gathered and girded, and there
is Joseph with a long sleeved tunic, hasn't even rolled up his sleeves. There are the brothers, the taste of sweat,
and there is Joseph sipping lemonade. You get the picture.
Anyway, they sold Joseph, he finds himself in Egypt and all
that has transpired. He could have
really held that against them, and it does in fact take a while for him to
loosen up. I mean, he doesn't through of
the Egyptian garb and reveal himself to his brothers the first time they come
for grain.
But in this scene, it says “Joseph could no longer control
himself.” And when the time was right
for reconciliation, he went for it. First he clears the decks in order to focus solely on his relationship
to his brothers. He has already hosted
them for a banquet, but then he goes further, “Send everyone away from me,” he
says. That is all the others who were present for the banquet. And he is left to face them alone: Reuben,
Simeon, Levi, Judah, Zebulun, and the rest. No distractions, no excuses, no more shedding
tears in private, he sends others away and weeps aloud with them. He makes the space for reconciliation, an
important step.
Then, he made himself known to them. He avoids taking them back to that day at the
pit. Not you did this, and I can't believe it, what were you thinking, and you
just wait, but “I am Joseph, your brother.” Self disclosure, not finger
pointing. No more speaking through
interpreters or in a foreign language, no more beating around the bush.
And Joseph goes further, “Do not be distressed, or angry
with yourselves.” How that must have put the brothers at ease. Surely, Joseph, now a man of power could have
had them all hung from the highest turret, but he offers them forgiveness. He doesn't look back, in fact, he looks
forward. He doesn't speak of death, or
revenge, but of life. He says he is there in order to preserve their lives, “to
preserve you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors,” he
says. “I will provide for you,” he says,
and he's already making plans for when they will all live in Goshen,
“you shall be near me,” he says, “you and your children and your children's
children. I will provide for you
there.” Rather than looking back at an
illusion, Joseph looks forward with a vision.
Finally, Joseph looks beyond himself and beyond his brothers
and beyond his circumstances and is able to say, “God sent me here.” “It was
not you who sent me here, but God.” What are these words? How can he say this? After all that they had done to him?
It is little wonder that the ancient commentators liken
Joseph to Jesus. St. Ambrose says that
like Jesus, who stretched out his hands to an unbelieving and contradicting
people” and “desired to save his own people” so Joseph desires to save his own
family. Like Christ, who reveals himself
to us and leads the way to life, saying, “Father forgive them, for they know
not what they do” so Joseph forgave his brothers and looked ahead. The pit was not the end, the cross was not
the end, life lies beyond and is an option here and
now in our relationships.
Cain chose to terminate his relationship with Abel, a
punishment that exceeded the circumstances. Jacob went tit-for-tat with Esau, signed a contract with Laben, and settled for stalemate. But Joseph choose another option. Not status-quo. Not retribution,
not a rash action of punishment, but a rash action of salvation. Joseph chose grace. An action beyond what was deserved on a scale
of retribution. As Paul so clearly said
in Romans, “if an act it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace would no longer be grace.” Beyond works, beyond retribution, Joseph
takes the initiative of grace. In so
doing, he ends his rigamarole of sending the brothers
back and forth between Canaan and Egypt, he ends his father's grieve over
himself and Benjamin and he ends his brother's fears of retribution.
I know that grace in our relationships doesn't make
sense. We could look at the situation
with a score card and say well she did such and such, so she doesn't deserve a
break, he did such and such, so I'll respond in
kind. I know that those who worked last
in the vineyard do not deserve equal pay with those who worked all day, I know that we do not deserve grace from God. But consider something new and different if
you are caught in a stalled relationship, a grace initiative. Do what you need to do, clear the decks, make
it plain. Cut your loved ones a break
and may you be reconciled as Joseph and his brothers, as Christ reconciles us
with God. Amen.
© 2005
Cal Robertson.
All rights reserved.
