Sermon: Open and Affirming at Christ Church

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Open and Affirming at Christ Church – 12 Year Later

By Julie Yarborough & Charles Rush

November 6, 2011

[ Audio (mp3, 2.8Mb) ]

Please note: in addition to this short sermon, the service featured reflections by three church members, which we also hope to post here as well, shortly.

Also note: the expression “Open and Affirming” is used by the United Church of Christ (UCC – one of our affiliate denominations) to mean accepting all people fully into the life of the church regardless of their sexual orientation. Our other affiliate denomination, the American Baptist Churches, instead uses the expression “Welcoming and Affirming”.

The Christ Church policy declaration referred to in this sermon can be read here: http://ccsnj.org/ONA.html.

1995 Chuck gave a sermon about homosexuality and the Bible. At the time, it was unusual for pastors to preach favorably about homosexuality, and his sermon ended with a standing ovation from the congregation.

A couple of years after that, a couple visited his office wanting to be married. They were full of the same enthusiasm that attends all couples about to make the plunge, only these were two men. He explained to them that he was not at liberty to preside at a ceremony in the sanctuary without getting approval from the congregation, and that he would have to ponder how to respond. He could have done a ceremony in their home but that didn't feel like the right thing to do. It was time to bring the matter before the church for consideration.

The way our Church is structured, we actually have to democratically vote on bigger policies like whether we will bless gay unions or not. We don't defer to the Bishops who tell us what to think. We make these changes from the bottom up, with churches free to completely disagree with each other. It is a louder, slower process, but it is so much a part of the American democracy that Alexis De Tocqueville wrote about two hundred years ago. The question for our congregation was simple enough and straightforward, “shall we bless this gay couple's union to each other?”

Unfortunately for the couple, this simple question took us over a year to answer, so they got another Minister to officiate at their service. As we took up the question at Christ Church, we had a series of discussions, on a variety of different levels.

We had a couple of sessions on why the Bible is not so clear on the issue of homosexuality.

We had another discussion on our psycho-sexual development, a fascinating study that unpacks just how complex the subject actually is. These informational sessions were important for framing the issue intellectually.

But what became evident was the way the personal approach began to dominate. We had one session with PFLAG (Parents and Family of Lesbians and Gays) where parents, brothers and sisters spoke about what it was like having a gay family member and how that changed them personally and as a family too. They had to experience some of the confusion and rejection that their children went through and they talked about how they grew to love and accept each other in different ways than they expected. One of those sessions was attended by quite a few of our High School students who had a really substantive reflection on the culture and climate of ridicule that was tolerated implicitly in our schools.

David Bartlett, at the time a professor at Yale Divinity School, came down to preach on what it was like for his church in California to welcome gays into their congregation about a decade earlier. At the time his church was going through the process, David's children were about 6 and 7. Their church in the San Francisco Bay area had openly gay couples attending worship. He shared with us an observation made by his wife.

She noted they couldn't really have any idea about the sexual orientation of their boys since they were so young. But if one of them was gay, how wonderful that he would have role models of family and faith from having grown up in a Church where there were gay couples in committed relationships, and where the church valued people for who they are.

One of our church members, Robert Fleming, told a personal story about growing up with a brother who was gay in the middle of Tennessee, the veritable buckle on the Bible belt. Robert would go on to earn his PhD in Physics at Vanderbilt and then work at Bell Labs and his brother would practice medicine and move to California. But one the things that made his story poignant for almost all of us who have this complicated relationship with home, was the pathos that his brother felt between wanting to live nearer to his family but having to make another life far, far away simply so that he could be himself. Wittingly or unwittingly, none of us wants to put our children in that position.

Finally, we heard from our Music Minister at the time, Wayne Bradford. Wayne had been here twenty five years, a quiet man not given to sharing a lot of his personal story. He described growing up in Menard, Texas, in the ranching community of West Texas in the 50's, how he had to move to New York in order to simply breathe. He went on to describe his life at Christ Church during a period when we were accepting but just didn't talk about it… And he closed by hoping that a change towards open acceptance of gays and lesbians might create a different climate for our children, a better, more realistic environment.

In the end the question that resounded most loudly was, “What is the environment we want to raise our children in? What is the community we want to create?” So the Deacons prepared a resolution explicitly welcoming gays and lesbians in the life of the Church and authorizing the Ministers to bless gay unions.

Finally came the day when we distributed ballots at church. It was May 16, 1999, in a congregational meeting after worship. Chuck said a few words about the spirit of reconciliation in the midst of debate. We invited any to speak for or against. We had one eloquent speaker, age 70, arguing for. We had one eloquent speaker, age 70, arguing against. We voted. The outcome was something like 89-11. And shortly after the vote, as some people predicted, we did have families leave the church, though it was only 2 or 3 and each of them parted on good terms. And as some people predicted, we did have families join the church shortly afterwards, probably 4 - 6. [The policy statement adopted by the congregation is here: http://ccsnj.org/ONA.html.]

In the 12 ½ years since the congregational vote, a number of people have come to Christ Church because we are Open and Affirming. Others have come for various reasons, and yet hopefully all have found an inclusive community. Whether gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight, “…no matter who you are, or where you are on life's journey, you're welcome here.”