How did this become so complicated? The answer is that it grew in proportion to the complication of our lives. Precisely because of that we have to grow. And we know that we need to improve so that the people we love actually feel loved. I read a poignant phrase that a marriage therapist used for a chapter title. It read, "say it like you love me". How often are we simply careless or indifferent and we find ourselves taking liberties with those we love that we would never take in polite company? The question for most of us is how do we re-direct to the higher ground? What do we need to do to point us back towards the path where we can start to cherish those we love and develop genuine gratitude for the actual lives that we have.
The bad news is that there are no short cuts to the higher ground. It is not as simple as dinner out or a bouquet of flowers, though kind gestures never hurt. The good news is that the authentic path home is to embody the very values that are taught in our spiritual tradition, simply with specific focus on our spouse. This week, we will lift up the broad outlines of the positive way that researchers have validated by reviewing thousands of couples over three decades of research, all with an eye as to what works and what doesn't. In or out of a romantic relationship at the moment, it will be time well spent on a subject worth investing energy in.
 I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and this week it has started to set in. I checked my calendar and saw that I'm having a tooth pulled on Monday, probably not great timing. And then I remembered all of the kind gestures in my life that will certainly mitigate the degree to which it will determine my mood. Rev. Caroline has all our teens this weekend at Camp Bernie and recruited adults to chaperon, so that I could have some time off. Paul Tukey set up my new computer so that I have something new to learn that looks genuinely interesting. My wife asked me on a two day date to New York City where she wants us to see a play, visit a couple museums, sip coffee and enjoy being adults with no kids at home after three decades of raising them. And our grandaughter asked if all the cousins could descend on our farm for hot chocolate, skating and reading stories by the fire. I hope you too are able to call to mind the considerable blessings that surround you, if you aren't able to escape to Florida or Mexico this year. Your people are pulling for you. The calendar says that Lent doesn't begin for a few more weeks, but our bodies suggest that we are already in it a few days. Fill your schedule with productive outlets and remember that the end is in sight. You are getting stronger every day.

The Rev.